A Christmas Present!

Sunday night, my DYO had a wee talk to me, and last night, i got this Christmas present form my officer.


















So, my first official Candidates interview is on the 7th of January, 7pm at DHQ. With Martin Hill, Kelston, Matthew and Catherine.
I will be getting introduced to the towards officership document, which is going to help me with my development towards training college.

Today's been a good day so far, got nice presents, and I'm looking forward to spending time with my family <3
Have a lovely Christmas Everyone.
Much Love, Sam xox

My Generation

i want to serve the purpose of god
in my generation
I want to serve the purpose of God
While i am alive
I want to give my life
for something that will last forever
Oh i Delight, i delight to do you will

What is on your heart
show me what to do
let me know your will
and i will follow you
<3

Those words were brought up in Driven tonight, and it reminded me of the years when i was at Music school. They were always printed on the first page of the weeks activities and timetable. Then i remembered that i sang this song a few weeks back, and they meant a lot to me, they still do.
These words helped me through wen i doubted officership, when i doubted in myself being an officer. So by simply singing those words tonight, it just meant a lot. It was a nice night at driven tonight, nice chats, and yeah, i really liked it.

Matthew asked us tonight you should we go to first, you should we reach out to type thing, and all i could think of were William Booths word: "Go for souls, and go for the worst!"

And to end of my Sunday night, I'm away to spend time with my mum :)

I do promise - My Gold helping

It was our last Vocational Fellowship of the year last night, and it was a really good night.

The night started off with managing to arrive at Cindy and Kelston's on my own, and surprising them by knocking on the door, haha, they were impressed. Since i turned up about two hours early, we had a nice wee blether, gave them some christmas pressies, watched TV and played a quick game of Buzz before we left for the Christmas Meal.
The Christmas meal was this wee, like warm cottage type place, and i loved it. We had a nice meal, good chats, shared some laughs then headed back to Kelston & Cindy's for desert, and for some fellowship. Which was really good. We talked about making resolutions, and how we hardly ever keep keep them. And instead, if we want to make some resolutions this year, to try looking at Romans 12: 1 -3., then we spent some time in prayer.

That all finished about 10, and we all left at 11. Which left us all with an hour, which was actually a really nice hour. I sat with Cal, Chris, Tim, and Phillip and just to chat with them, and laugh with them, something aout it just clicked. I liked it, was good fun.

Roll on next year, good things in store for VF by the sounds of it =]

Christmas Bells

Last Friday night was our usual Divisional Christmas carol service, this year, in Fraserburgh.

After college that day, i quickly headed into town, jumped on a bus and tried to find my way to cindy and kelston's and trying not to get lost. Well, that didn't really happen, because i got off at the wrong stop and Kelston came out looking for me once again. (I just hope i get off at the right stop this Friday) Arrived at theirs and got some lovely food. Had a nice chat with Cindy, then the three of us made our way to fraserburgh.

We arrived like well over an hour early because kelston had to sett some things up, so i spent some time with little George <3

This was the first Divisional carol service that i have not took part in for a long time, so it was nice just to sit back and relax for once. To actually hear an army band for once, and not just hear yourself play, and listening to the Gospel choir and not just hearing yourself sing, was great. For some reason, it just made the whole night really good. I don't know how to explain it., but just listening for once, and enjoying it, was amazing.

=]

And now, i'm in the middle of some lovely exams at college. 1 down and 2 to go. One three hour theory exam tomorrow morning, which i am away to study for, and a 10 minute presentation on my views on anything to do with teaching music you could possibly think of. Lovely.

But to top the exams week off, i get a bursary, so Christmas shopping is getting done on Friday afternoon, then I'm going to Cindy & Kelston's a little bit early, helping them with the food, then i have VF Christmas Feast =] yaaay! Can't wait

The joy of candidaticy

I don't like this word official anymore. It's got some scary thoughts to it, well for me anyway.

In just about under 6 weeks, i shall be having my first 'Official' Candidates interview at DHQ, with Kelston, Matthew and the DC. Wearing Uniform. Like official. The reason why everything is happening so quickly, is that Kelston feels that nothing has really happened, and if i want to go in three years, they need to start interviews.
Oh, and my after that my next step is to fill in registration forms. Which makes it all final, and it's all sounding far too scary, and exciting. But at the same time, i need some time to get my head around this.

Anyway. Christmas is coming which means the following:

7th - Divisional Carol Service
14th - Vocational Fellowship Christmas feast, at Kelston & Cindy's
15th - The Greenock bunch are up <33
17th - Gig at the Blue Lamp, Aberdeen
- Laura home (?)
18th - Day off (?)
21st - Band at harbour for the lights thingy (like last year)
- YP workers Christmas meal
22nd - Madeleine is home =]
- Gemma is home =]
- Driven Christmas meal
24th - Working (?)
-Watch night service =]
25th - Christmas Day, Hatton (?) <3 =]

Youth Councils! <3

It was youth councils this weekend, and I've been looking forward to it for a long time, because i missed last years, and it's always good to meet up with everyone.

The whole theme of the weekend was 'HEROES!'. Saturday night was Bowling and a social. After bowling we all shard some food, then had a had few songs, and good fun trying to come up with our own superheroes in little groups. Good good fun! Ha ha.
Mark Herbert (Candidates Director) was here this weekend as a speaker, and i thought he was really scary to start with, bad idea telling Fiona that, because she told him, so when he talked to me it was all awkward. But it's okay now.

Today was the day that made me think the most, today was the day that, i don't know, just planted something inside of me that i can't really explain, Even if i tried i wouldn't do it any justice.
This morning, I had to say my testimony about officership. Before the meeting this morning, Kelston asked me if i wanted to pray with them all. So i went out to pray with the band, Russell, Mark & Martin, And Cal. It was a nice way to start the whole day off, and it encouraged me so much.
The meeting went on, and it was nearly time for me to share, after Cal shared his testimony. Which was really good, it's nice to hear how he's getting on, and how God is using him through the essential programme. Then i got up, a little unwilling, to be honest, but kelston handed me the mic, and i just got up there, and done better than i thought. A few people told me i spook really well. But what stuck out to me more, was that, there's this girl i've known since i've been like what, 8 or something. She came up to me after youth councils had ended, gave me a hug, aked me how i was, how i was doing, and then said this "You have given me some hope. I always thought i was too young to do anything!" That girl, my friend, made me smile, made me cry. I am thankful to God for her <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">saturday night, that she has had an experience with god, and is now like on fire for him, and that was so evident today, and yeah. It was nice to see her again!

I had a chat with Mark after tlunch today. Well it was more of a, Samantha come here, from Kelston, to a table with Him, Cindy, the DC, Russell and Mark, ha ha. It was a good chat though. And they're sending the officership training stuff so we can get started with that, and i'm meeting my officers on tuesday afternoon.
Excitment!



' And I will live for all my days
To raise a banner of truth and light
To sing about my saviours love
And the best thing that happened
It was the day I met you

I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus

Well you lifted me from where I was
Set my feet upon a rock
Humbled that you even knew about me
Now I have chosen to believe
Believing that you've chosen me
I was lost but now I've found...'
- Delirios?

My Testimony (Updated)

It happened at the youth rally this year, but I now see that people were trying to tell me what God had in store for me before then, and I just didn’t listen, and thought there was no way I was doing that.
It was during the evening event at the youth rally, that I just fell to pieces on the inside, this is when it all began to happen. Where God called me to officership. I’ve never had a feeling like it before. The band had just finished playing ‘In Christ alone’, and the line ‘Jesus commands my destiny’ kept going through my head.
The bus journey home that night was interesting. The weather was full gales of rain and snow, and my phone battery had died which meant I couldn’t tell anyone what just happened, and how I was feeling, I couldn’t even tell my youth worker as the rest of my youth group were screaming and all so hyper in the back of the bus. I sat there crying for the majority of the bus journey home, crying & questioning God.
I kept thinking, No way! I can’t do this, I was only 18 years old, and had hardly any experience of life. I kept thinking that I can’t lead people to the lord, but in amongst all my tears and upset, a friend told me…”yes you can. You brought Laura to the army!”
I was scared. I tried my best to block it all out, and it worked, for a while, but it didn’t last though.
One Friday night at Driven (our youth group), the week after the rally, it was all about feeling God’s call & what it was like when it happened & what being silent meant. For me, being silent was just sitting there, with the loud music in the background. There was another few nights that confirmed being called to officership, but I’ll only say one. It was a meeting led by Catherine Wyles, where she talked about how God gives us everything we need, in his time. So the doubts about not being able slowly fade away.

There’s a bible verse that stuck with me during the summer, and it’s Psalm 51 v 13 – 15…”Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn to you. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise”

Things have changed a lot since February. I’ve been attending the Vocational Fellowship groups, and I’m going to be having meetings with my officers about everything.. I’ve already had a interview at DHQ, but more than anything, I have a year on my heart that God’s been telling me to go, that year being 2010.

To start with it was all scary to think in 3 years, I’ll be in London at Training college. But now that I’ve had time to think about it, it’s becoming more exciting, and I just know that it’s all in God’s hands.

(updated for Youth Councils, as Kelston asked me to share about officership)

I wanna go deeper...

So, we've all been back for about two full weeks now, and trying to settle back in to your own lifestyle here, and boy it's difficult. So much choice, and it's just well different.
I went to bug a drink at my work today, something to waken me up, and it was gonna cost me £1.29, i just stood there, all i thought of was, how much that is in anfrica, the fact you can just about get 7 bottles of water for that price, it's nuts.

We had a Team Tanzania reunion tonight, which was good fun, was nice to meet up and have a banter with everyone. After we had our meal, we sat on comfy chairs and had a yap about things to do with next year, prices of flights, details of the trip, fund rasising, etc etc, so yes, things are getting started and it's very exciting. I so can't wait to go back <3 Miss it so much.

And in other news, i think i might be meeting up with the officers on tuesday afternoon for a wee chat, not sure what about because i have told them that a few things need changed, but it'll probably cover nearly everything. So i'm looking forward to that, it'll be nice to actually sit down and talk to them, because i've not really had that chance yet.
Was at Dundee for Vocational Fellowiship, and got to have a wee tour round a social centre, where all the homeless stay and learn what things they go through, what the Salvation Army does to help them up to the place where they are ready to move back into the city and look after theirselves. But they were saying last night that, when they move out into the city, the accomodation they will recieve wont be as good as the hostel they have right now.
Please keep Strathmore lodge in your prayers, they have a lot of men, and have about 50 odd staff members for two centres within the city, and they has to be at least two staff members covering at each shift, each day of the year, 52 weeks a year.

The end of vocational fellowship last night was spent in worship, and some of the guys that life there joined us, and that was lovely =] But the thing that hit me deep down, was the song Kelston used, because it was my Song - The potters Hand. I guess it was just one of those nights, where God really talks to you, and you just feel his call again, that reassuring presence, it was lovely.
So thanks to Kelston for starting up the Vocational Fellowship group, for always being there, and for being so sweet, and just looking after me.

I really do have thee most amazing people around me! I love them all heaps!

little things

Little things are starting to happen with the prospect of me going to Training college in three years. Kelston seems to think there's no problem and that if i feel that's what God is saying, then we need to start doing something about it.
It wasn't until this sunday just past, that i started doing something about it myself.

After Driven on sunday night, I was helping Matthew and Kelston tidy up, and i had a wee chat with Matthew. Chats about going to their house to talk things through, how i'm feeling, what needs to happen sort of thing. He also said that when Driven lead the meeting in November, it would be a good time for me to give an update on the whole Officership stuff.
And with some encouragement, i'm now talking about prayer request boxes & praise request boxes that driven use every sunday night in both of the meetings on sunday.

I was on the bus home from aberdeen yesterday and, i was just sitting there smiling. Thinking about what God has got planned and how much i'm looking forward to it, and how scary it is, but more than anything, i'm happy.

the whispers in my heart againt your kindess

It's been such a long time since i've updated this thing, i honestly don't know where to start.

I'm back at college, started back about a month ago now, and i'm loving it. It's so much fun, and filled with lots of laughter and smiley faces. It's good to get the chance to just talk about ways that are effective in teaching, nice to think that when you arrive in college for a three hour theory session it's not all theory, and there are some games sloted in it (obviosuly we're trying them out for our pupils, aye!) It's just good, a really good course, better than i thought it was going to be anyways.

Life outside college is lovely too.

I had a chat in the office with the Debbie and Anna a few sundays ago, trying to work out what was going to happen with singing group, and if i was getting them back, then what time and what night of the week it was going to be. W e sorted that out, so singing group is now on a Thursday night at 7pm, which hasn't really been that well attented, but the reasons they've not been there are good ones. Hopefully as we get into it a bit more, they'll come more. But i have them back so that's all good, and i'm loving having them.

I went to the last Vocational Fellowship last month, and it was really good. It was at Jane and David's house (My old Officers) and it was just nice to hear their story. Stories of what they did before becoming an officer, how they got there, and their experiences at the 3 appointments they have had since leaving college.
I'm really enjoying this Vocational Fellowship, I'm so glad kelston started it up, it's good to have the group there, to just chat about things, and now that there's more of us thinking officership is for us, it gives us time to chat to each other about our worries, thoughts, concerns etc.

Last sunday was my first time leading the singing group in years, and i was worrying int he afternoon. W e were singing without music, and i just got myself all worked up, about leading and when do i bring them in after the first time, and then, i recieved a text, from Kelston. A text simply saying "Good luck with leading the singing group tonight, hope all goes well. God Bless. Kel" and that encouraged me. Then i got to the hall, and walked in to see Kelston & Cindy there. I awent over to ask Cindy if she wanted to sing with us and she leaned over, gave me a hug and whispered to me and Hazel, "Kelston found out Samantha was leading the singing group tonight, so he wanted to come and support her", and handed me a card. Which was cute, and had a wee card inside it with a prayer verse on it. This man, is so sweet, and has made me smile lots recently.
He also got me into going out collecting on monday night...by using the line "You'll get asked about it in your Candadate's interview" haha.
It was good though, i'm glad i went out.

And that, is my life so far.

College is officially over for the year. I had my cornet exam yesterday, and i think it went okay.

It was an experience anyway. The examiner stood behind me for one of my pieces and totally put me off, then he decided he's going to ask questions about the terms in my pieces, expect he wasn't happy i had written what certain things meant on one of my pieces, oops!

Apart from that itr went okay, quite pleased with it :)

Oh, and Alister made us cake for after our exams, was well ace and we had a lovely chat since we were all in at like 9 till 4, was a lovely day.

Tuesday we had5 hours of recitals, which was ace. Although some of us, were getting a wee bit emotional cos some are leaving for Uni and the rest of us are staying at college, and Alister performed the song he composed for those going to Uni called "farewell". I heard a what John said about my recital, he told Madeleine that he was shocked i sung, because i hardly talk, haha, ace!

Was two lovely days, and a good way to the end of term.

Holidays are here, which means extra hours, late lies and adventures, prestwick kids club, reach out, new officers
:)

Tagged.

Tagged.

Tagged by Laura-Lou. Thank you :p

Grab the book closest to you. Turn to page 161. Print the 5th complete sentence on your blog. Tag 5 others.

Closest Book to me was Echo By Francesca Lia Block

"Aren't you worried about him?"

I tag Laura Logan!

Book Tagging. Laura caught me..

How many books do you own?

Not that much, i wasn't much of a reader when i was younger, totally hated it. But since like 5th year, anbout 3 years ago, Laura got me back into reading.

There however, is, a lot of books on my bookshelf, but i think most of them are the broons or oor willie, haha!

What was the last book you read?

The last book i read was Velvet Elvis, which i think was totally amazing. Might go out and get my own copy :)

What book are you presently reading?

I am reading Seasons 'a womens call to ministry' by Johann Shade. She's a salvation Army In the USA. I only started reading it today, but so far its really good. Its about how women serving in the salvation army ministry face distinctive challenges throughout the changing 'seasons' of their lives as their personal and family circumstances intertwine with their work as officers. The book explorers these issues and provides theological and practical support through biblical character studies and wisdom gleaned from the author's nearly thirty years of officership.

5 books that mean a lot to me are...

1. Girl Goddess #9 By Francesca Lia Block. Because, i think it was the Book laura gave me that got me reading again, and she let me share two of those stories with her.

2. Echo By Francesca Lia Block. Some parts of it make me think of my dad!

3. The Bible :)

4. A walk to remember - Nicholas Sparks....it's a beautiful story! Films good too :)

5. P.S i love you - Cecila Ahern. Really goood book. Might read it again after i've finished reading seasons!

seasons

I feel like i've been up for hours. I was in town for 8ish this morning, and went to symposiums for my usual coffee, before i got the half 8 bus to college.
I was reading the book my sister and brother in law got me for my birthday, and it is actually quite good, well the few pages i have read so far. It's called seasons, 'a womens call to ministry"..it's about being a officer in the salvation army, and different things that challenge you day to day, certain things that you battle with when the call comes around.
The one line that stuck in my head though is, "you have to be prepared to bleed"

This book looks like it may be very helpful in my journey, and with my call to officership, whenever i end up at training college.

"there are hundreds of children
thousands, millions,
And yet their names are written
on God's memory,
There are hundreds and thousands
millions of children,
But God knows everyone and
God knows me"

These lyrics take me back to my days at sunday school
They made me smile
<3

God,
Please bless me with
- Love
- Peace
- Patience
- Kindness
- Goodness
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Self-Control

Live in me, so that i may be the person who made me to be.
No longer I, but Christ that lives in me.
Not my will, but yours.

Amen
xox

"I dare to be different
I dare to believe
I dare to be different
God's spirit recieve
I dare to be different
my life satisy
I dare to be different
by living
by Christ"

:)
xox

This post is especially for Laura, as she is outraged at my lack of blogging so here goes.

Anyways, what shall Sam ramble about today...Ah college!

College was a really good laugh today. Sophia and I were singing along to Madeleine who was playing the piano. Then they all started talking Uni auditions - the all got theirs on the 15th of this month. Good Luck :)

We had a three hour break today - so Sophia, Kerry and i went to the library to research Schoenberg, and start putting our presentation together. It was a nice laugh, even when Sophia pulled my ear plug out my ear when i said i had Jack Johnson on my MP3 Player haha!

It's been a really fun day. Don't really know what else to say lol.

I have peppermint tea - it really tastes horrid lol.

I'm trying to come up with some ideas for my composition, but it isn't working and i still only have an introduction to 'Sunset'. It's a cornet and Piano piece. Ballad style of a piece. I would love to write lyrics to it, but then i'd have to write a voice part and i never come up with good words to put to anything.

And i just got a phonecall. A lovely phonecall from a guy from church! He was saying that thomas will be in the band tomorrow night - yaaaaaaay answered prayers. And that i can still teach him at band learners. He's happy with my progress in music and he says hopefully he'll have someone else for me to teach by winter.
"Another star on your crown" - Arthur :)

Flamenco!

Flamenco - It's a Spanish gypsy style dance. Try and picture ladies dancing with the big dresses and tapping their feet *does an impression of Paul's dancing*
The first note in each bar has to be accented
The Style of 'Flamenco Dancing' is portrayed by the 6/8 time signature .
The speed has to stay the same all the way through, even at the quiet parts.
Play it with a picture of the ladies dancing in your head
Before you play the piece remind yourself of the rhythm, the speed in which your going to play it at and take a few moments out to calm down.
When you are ready play the piece.
Remember to breath using your diaphragm
Remember performance directions
Remember not every note has to be perfect
Remember this audition is to show them what Samantha Louise Davies, can do, not what she can come up with the night before, so guess what, sam? If you don't know anything about Allen Vizzutti, its ok, because everything is going to be okay, It's all in control, If I'm meant to be at Uni, it'll happen!
They'll either love me, or hate me!
Their choice!

I haven't talked to anybody about the whole officership thing, then Sunday happens. Cindy and Kelston came here for their lunch because they were leading both our meetings. I had Cindy in my room saying 'It's really good to hear about you thinking about officership', Kelston just talked about it non-stop at the table, and deep down all i kept thinking was "please can i go practice, i wanna go play the cornet"....totally numb to the whole idea, and can't find a single thing inside of me that lights up to the idea.
Then today - i sit in college, listening to my tutor go on and on about the teaching Diploma course - now that appeals to me, thats why I'm away to fill out my application form after this. Maybe my mum is right - maybe University isn't for me, but I'll never know unless i give it a shot.
My audition is on Thursday, and i've kind of moved from the nervousness to the "i don't know what to think", I'll try my best to get in of course, but at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe i will just stay on at college.
Who knows!

i wont keep it inside, freak out, let it go...

Today has been a fun filled, bongo hitting, piano banging , Cymbal Bashing, Maraca Shaking.

Just a little glimpse inside of 20th Century music and the things we get up to on a friday afternoon.But, no, the point of this entry is that, in 20th century music, we listen to obviosuly music from the 20th century and how composers use any musical sound they could get and make music, and how they do this and of course, trying it out for ourself.
Today, Tony played us a piece by Byrars called 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'...He was asked to compose a piece for a documentary about 'Life in pubs'. so he went round the pubs recording the sounds, and then he came to this one pub, and there was a tramp sitting in the corner completley sober, singing 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'. He got back to the studio and played it on repeat to see if he could use this, byars left the room and when he came back he noticed something - The people who were working had all became more quiet and stoped hurrying around - there was even some people crying in the corners.
Some peoples comments in my class when Tony told them this was like..."why, does it say 'i'm gonna kill you?'...no, it was just that the music had a kind of emotion to it that you think, and relax.
The piece was then played - There was silence (Not very often in my class)
There was one comment from the floor, which was..
"I thought it was really powerful!"
I glanced around the room -and found nearly everyone with their heads down!
And for some reason that touched me today and i just wanted to share, so sorry if all that music talk has bored ya!

The other thing being is that, I took in my University letter today, as i was asked to yesterday, well when Fiona came in today i gave her the sheet, everything was ok, until sh saw 'your piece must be 5 minutes long'...yeah! So after that fiona was trying to learn a new piece so she has to do movements from a few pieces, and yeah, mines aint even 5!

it's all coming together!

It's all coming together now - this time next week i shall be at Aberdeen University (hopefully with the other college guys)and we will shortly be getting a welcome from the Programme Directors.

I ran down the stairs to make a cup of coffee, and saw the mil, thinking please let there be mail from the Uni, and there was, and my audition is next Thursday. They always give you short notice though. But yeah i can handle that!

This is the next step. Get into University. Everything else will fall into place from then on!

Since i opened the letter and saw the words 'we would like to invite you to attend an interview....' i started pannick, Because i know deep down i aint ready, i know that none of my pieces are ready. I started worrying and thought 'i'll bebo Fio', don't know how she can help me, but she knows about the whole changing of pieces and how hard it's gonna be learning new pieces for a prelim on Tuesday, an assessment on Tuesday, and a audition on Thursday, but i can do it, with Gods help, i CAN do it. I just need to stop worrying so much, and do practice.

Guess i aint staying in Aberdeen till late tonight!

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes

Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothing to surround me
Keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up(oh)
You've made me trust

{chorus}
Coz I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked around you
And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
To help me fit in my skin

{chorus}

I'm naked around you
Does it show
I'm naked around you

I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through baby
- Avril Lavigne

I've just been chating to a college friend on bebo, and she hardly knows me, i hardly know her, but we talk a lot on myspace/bebo, because i'm a shy little nugget, and find it easier on the internet. Bt tonight, i've mailed her on bebo and told her i was sorry for being shy and that i really wanted to say something to her after paul freaked at her today, and her reply was i shall not tell you to bogg off, you aint a plonker, people can't help being shy, and she keeps sending me *hugs*, and for some reason, she has just topped off my day! Fio's amazing :)

happy days

Today has been fun.
Which was good because i just needed smiles and laughter and to be around loud music - especially Keith, haha, he was singing and playing the drums and you could hear him down the other end of the corridor so there was me and kerry standing in the corridor laughing so hard.
Theory was good this afternoon - I'm finally coming out of my box , it' s took me a while but hey. I was getting laughed at today for being from Peterhead, long story, but Madeleine and Sophia were slagging Fio off for her 'scottish' accent not that she comes from sotland, No! But apparently she said 'fit' instead of 'wit' so yeah, and i screamed 'fit?' and sophia just said 'so, you're from peterhead!'.....haha, you had to be there really!

All in all, I've had a really good day. Been out to McDonalds with Katie for tea and had a laugh with her, and went driving round town with the music blaring, hehe, it's fun!

I'm in a very musical mood, so i guess i'll be doing some theory work later!

And yeah, random update, but I've had thee best day :)

College was so boring today. Pointless ad Boring.

Today i've had Keyboards skills - which was productive, should be doing my 3rd assessment in two weeks time. Theory - i really don't see the point in two hours straight of theory - no one ever listens, and f they do it's for the first half hour, and they all get bored, and i can't blame them. Paul just talks about, modulation for example as he did today, for nearly two hours....took a few notes, and then started drawing little pictures. Then i had my lesson with Paul, which he told me i was playing half heartedly :( he's probably right now, so yeah! The fact is though, i have my prelim next week, and i've got two new pieces to learn. I got annoyed today - paul came in late, i had a class at 1, and he spends half the half hour doing warm ups so i didn't even get any further on my pieces. Again, not all his fault though.Then composition and arranging - hats always an interesting class and i really look forward to it, hehe. It sucked today though - don't really know why, but there's only usually half the class there because we are in groups, but nearly the whole class was there the whole class was there today and i got left with Fio.....now that was an interesting conversation. Not! We hardly talk and i hate it - I'm too shy to talk to her. I feel like a school kid again haha!

I am not a stranger to mercy, for you found me, Wrapped your truth around me. I am not a stranger to grace I have seen it in Your face. I am not a stranger to kindness; We´re the broken with Your life inside us You have brought Your gospel to me, And I breathe it every day. How did I become Your miracle? Now to take Your truth and tell the world I´m going to take it to the streets, I´m going to sing it ´til we meet. Heaven is open, Come on all the earth rejoice. I´m going to take it to the streets, Wake up the dead heart from its sleep. Heaven is open, Now´s the time to raise our voice. I will tell the world of this mercy, for You found me, Wrapped Your truth around me. I will tell the world of this grace I have seen it at Your cross. I will tell the world of this kindness We´re the broken with Your life inside us. You have brought Your gospel to me; Help me live it every day. How did we become Your miracles? Now to take Your truth and tell the world.

Tonight hasn't been a good one, with tears falling everywhere, evil looks from the bandmaster for playing wrong notes, but besides all that, i got loads of hugs from Rachael, but now i feel bad, because she's gone back to Aberdeen and was all worried, so i text her say that I'm ok and thank you for being there for me tonight. I miss her heaps.

Something happened tonight, something that i can't explain...We were singing 'I wanna be out of my deapth in your love', and all i could do was huddle up and cry, which kinda ended up in mum, hazel, Rahael, Chloe and megan all looking at me, i made my mum cry :( something inside me just was triggered off and i cried.

The bible reading tonight, was from Romans 8 31-39....and verse 37 in my bible is highlighte - 'No, in all these thing we are more than conquerors through him who loved us'

Think i'm going to off to sleepsleepies soon. I need to rest.

random.com

my hand is cold and wont stop shaking
my whole body is shaking

In response to last nights driven, having 'silence' to just sit and talk to God, let him talk to you, well i thought, yeah i can do that, but no i can't...i woke up this morning, and put my music on really loud, trying to block everything out sub conciously, not even realising what i was doing. Until i got to work and there must have been s many times when it's been quiet today that the only thing that was in my head was officership, and i couldn't say anything to anybody all day hardly. I did my usual "hahahaha" reaction to everyone :(

Catherine was talking to me last night - saying that maybe God wants me to take up a commitment in the corps first, before he even thinks to send me off to training college. And i agree with her. The commitments that were brought to my mind was - The singing Group, Teaching Thomas the Cornet and Commiting myself to just be at every songster practice to make sure that my Godmothers ok (she's really important to me).

All in all, Catherine helped me so much last night.

I'm still finding t hard to talk to mum though. I came home last night and she just asked 'How'd it go with Catherine', and i said okay, and told her i was just going to pray about it. She asked all these questions i count handle answering, i felt like crying - the stupid thing there is, she's been through officership before and i know she only wants to help me through it. I just can't seem to talk to her :( it makes me sad

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eye;
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear;
Laughter hides the silent cries Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;

When will we realize People need the Lord.
We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong is right;
What could be too great a cost
For sharing life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear;
They must hear the
Words of Life Only we can share.

People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;

When will we realize
That we must give our lives,
For people need the Lord.
People need the Lord.

'You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love' - Galations 5 : 13


I just opened my bible and came across this reading, maybe i stumbled across it for a reason, maybe it's God telling me that his call for me is in officership. I don't know!

Tonight i have been talking to Gemma on MSN, felt bad totally bonbarding her with all my thoughts and feelings and confusion about officership, but i needed to tell her, i needed her thoughts and vies and they kinda turned a few things around for me.

I told her Music is my thing, not leading people to the Lord i'm not capable of that. Then she reminded me of one of my friends, and how i brought her to the army and all that. Maybe i can do this, but with Gods help of course.

Theres still this big part of me that is trying to find anyway possible to run anyway from it. But someone has said latley, that God doesn't stop that easily and he'll just come back with it later, so whats the point. There is none.


'No guilt in life, no fear in death—This is the pow'r of Christ in me;From life's first cry to final breath,Jesus commands my destiny.No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,Can ever pluck me from His hand;Till He returns or calls me home—Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.'

officership?

I'm trying me hardest to remember what that feeling was like when i felt the feeling of god calling me to officership, but i can only remember electrylte playing and everything else was silent and i started to cry, i felt something deep inside, something that was way beyond my understanding. I don't know why God wants me to be an officer.
I keep thinking to myself, and screaming out to God sating "Look God i'm 18, so not ready for being an officer, pick someone else, because i wont do a good job" - then i get reminded of people saying that 'if it's what God wants then it'll be ok' and they're true, i just wish i knew, i just want to know if it's what he wants or not!
I'm scared, still scared, i was all set for being a music therapist and then saturday happens, and bang, thats thrown out the window and officership takes over everything.

The bus journey home that evening was a very quiet one. I was sooo deep in though, and so scared that the tears were running so fast down my face. I needed someone to tell, i needed to share this, my first thought, i'll text Laura, she's my best friend i knew i could tell her, i knew she'd be up for chatting about it with me - then my phone died. If felt like i was meant to be alone with God for a while, just to work things through with him, but i think the fact i couldn't tell anyone drove me mad. I couldn't even tell andrew cos there was 13 young people in the bus and i just felt alone.

but now, Laura, Andrew, Catherine, Kelston and Mum all know, so i have got pople who can talk to me about things so i guess thats good.

Although i think i'm meant to be talking with Catherine tomorrow and i don't know what to say to her :/