Flamenco!

Flamenco - It's a Spanish gypsy style dance. Try and picture ladies dancing with the big dresses and tapping their feet *does an impression of Paul's dancing*
The first note in each bar has to be accented
The Style of 'Flamenco Dancing' is portrayed by the 6/8 time signature .
The speed has to stay the same all the way through, even at the quiet parts.
Play it with a picture of the ladies dancing in your head
Before you play the piece remind yourself of the rhythm, the speed in which your going to play it at and take a few moments out to calm down.
When you are ready play the piece.
Remember to breath using your diaphragm
Remember performance directions
Remember not every note has to be perfect
Remember this audition is to show them what Samantha Louise Davies, can do, not what she can come up with the night before, so guess what, sam? If you don't know anything about Allen Vizzutti, its ok, because everything is going to be okay, It's all in control, If I'm meant to be at Uni, it'll happen!
They'll either love me, or hate me!
Their choice!

I haven't talked to anybody about the whole officership thing, then Sunday happens. Cindy and Kelston came here for their lunch because they were leading both our meetings. I had Cindy in my room saying 'It's really good to hear about you thinking about officership', Kelston just talked about it non-stop at the table, and deep down all i kept thinking was "please can i go practice, i wanna go play the cornet"....totally numb to the whole idea, and can't find a single thing inside of me that lights up to the idea.
Then today - i sit in college, listening to my tutor go on and on about the teaching Diploma course - now that appeals to me, thats why I'm away to fill out my application form after this. Maybe my mum is right - maybe University isn't for me, but I'll never know unless i give it a shot.
My audition is on Thursday, and i've kind of moved from the nervousness to the "i don't know what to think", I'll try my best to get in of course, but at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe i will just stay on at college.
Who knows!

i wont keep it inside, freak out, let it go...

Today has been a fun filled, bongo hitting, piano banging , Cymbal Bashing, Maraca Shaking.

Just a little glimpse inside of 20th Century music and the things we get up to on a friday afternoon.But, no, the point of this entry is that, in 20th century music, we listen to obviosuly music from the 20th century and how composers use any musical sound they could get and make music, and how they do this and of course, trying it out for ourself.
Today, Tony played us a piece by Byrars called 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'...He was asked to compose a piece for a documentary about 'Life in pubs'. so he went round the pubs recording the sounds, and then he came to this one pub, and there was a tramp sitting in the corner completley sober, singing 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'. He got back to the studio and played it on repeat to see if he could use this, byars left the room and when he came back he noticed something - The people who were working had all became more quiet and stoped hurrying around - there was even some people crying in the corners.
Some peoples comments in my class when Tony told them this was like..."why, does it say 'i'm gonna kill you?'...no, it was just that the music had a kind of emotion to it that you think, and relax.
The piece was then played - There was silence (Not very often in my class)
There was one comment from the floor, which was..
"I thought it was really powerful!"
I glanced around the room -and found nearly everyone with their heads down!
And for some reason that touched me today and i just wanted to share, so sorry if all that music talk has bored ya!

The other thing being is that, I took in my University letter today, as i was asked to yesterday, well when Fiona came in today i gave her the sheet, everything was ok, until sh saw 'your piece must be 5 minutes long'...yeah! So after that fiona was trying to learn a new piece so she has to do movements from a few pieces, and yeah, mines aint even 5!

it's all coming together!

It's all coming together now - this time next week i shall be at Aberdeen University (hopefully with the other college guys)and we will shortly be getting a welcome from the Programme Directors.

I ran down the stairs to make a cup of coffee, and saw the mil, thinking please let there be mail from the Uni, and there was, and my audition is next Thursday. They always give you short notice though. But yeah i can handle that!

This is the next step. Get into University. Everything else will fall into place from then on!

Since i opened the letter and saw the words 'we would like to invite you to attend an interview....' i started pannick, Because i know deep down i aint ready, i know that none of my pieces are ready. I started worrying and thought 'i'll bebo Fio', don't know how she can help me, but she knows about the whole changing of pieces and how hard it's gonna be learning new pieces for a prelim on Tuesday, an assessment on Tuesday, and a audition on Thursday, but i can do it, with Gods help, i CAN do it. I just need to stop worrying so much, and do practice.

Guess i aint staying in Aberdeen till late tonight!

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes

Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothing to surround me
Keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up(oh)
You've made me trust

{chorus}
Coz I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked around you
And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
To help me fit in my skin

{chorus}

I'm naked around you
Does it show
I'm naked around you

I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through baby
- Avril Lavigne

I've just been chating to a college friend on bebo, and she hardly knows me, i hardly know her, but we talk a lot on myspace/bebo, because i'm a shy little nugget, and find it easier on the internet. Bt tonight, i've mailed her on bebo and told her i was sorry for being shy and that i really wanted to say something to her after paul freaked at her today, and her reply was i shall not tell you to bogg off, you aint a plonker, people can't help being shy, and she keeps sending me *hugs*, and for some reason, she has just topped off my day! Fio's amazing :)

happy days

Today has been fun.
Which was good because i just needed smiles and laughter and to be around loud music - especially Keith, haha, he was singing and playing the drums and you could hear him down the other end of the corridor so there was me and kerry standing in the corridor laughing so hard.
Theory was good this afternoon - I'm finally coming out of my box , it' s took me a while but hey. I was getting laughed at today for being from Peterhead, long story, but Madeleine and Sophia were slagging Fio off for her 'scottish' accent not that she comes from sotland, No! But apparently she said 'fit' instead of 'wit' so yeah, and i screamed 'fit?' and sophia just said 'so, you're from peterhead!'.....haha, you had to be there really!

All in all, I've had a really good day. Been out to McDonalds with Katie for tea and had a laugh with her, and went driving round town with the music blaring, hehe, it's fun!

I'm in a very musical mood, so i guess i'll be doing some theory work later!

And yeah, random update, but I've had thee best day :)

College was so boring today. Pointless ad Boring.

Today i've had Keyboards skills - which was productive, should be doing my 3rd assessment in two weeks time. Theory - i really don't see the point in two hours straight of theory - no one ever listens, and f they do it's for the first half hour, and they all get bored, and i can't blame them. Paul just talks about, modulation for example as he did today, for nearly two hours....took a few notes, and then started drawing little pictures. Then i had my lesson with Paul, which he told me i was playing half heartedly :( he's probably right now, so yeah! The fact is though, i have my prelim next week, and i've got two new pieces to learn. I got annoyed today - paul came in late, i had a class at 1, and he spends half the half hour doing warm ups so i didn't even get any further on my pieces. Again, not all his fault though.Then composition and arranging - hats always an interesting class and i really look forward to it, hehe. It sucked today though - don't really know why, but there's only usually half the class there because we are in groups, but nearly the whole class was there the whole class was there today and i got left with Fio.....now that was an interesting conversation. Not! We hardly talk and i hate it - I'm too shy to talk to her. I feel like a school kid again haha!

I am not a stranger to mercy, for you found me, Wrapped your truth around me. I am not a stranger to grace I have seen it in Your face. I am not a stranger to kindness; We´re the broken with Your life inside us You have brought Your gospel to me, And I breathe it every day. How did I become Your miracle? Now to take Your truth and tell the world I´m going to take it to the streets, I´m going to sing it ´til we meet. Heaven is open, Come on all the earth rejoice. I´m going to take it to the streets, Wake up the dead heart from its sleep. Heaven is open, Now´s the time to raise our voice. I will tell the world of this mercy, for You found me, Wrapped Your truth around me. I will tell the world of this grace I have seen it at Your cross. I will tell the world of this kindness We´re the broken with Your life inside us. You have brought Your gospel to me; Help me live it every day. How did we become Your miracles? Now to take Your truth and tell the world.

Tonight hasn't been a good one, with tears falling everywhere, evil looks from the bandmaster for playing wrong notes, but besides all that, i got loads of hugs from Rachael, but now i feel bad, because she's gone back to Aberdeen and was all worried, so i text her say that I'm ok and thank you for being there for me tonight. I miss her heaps.

Something happened tonight, something that i can't explain...We were singing 'I wanna be out of my deapth in your love', and all i could do was huddle up and cry, which kinda ended up in mum, hazel, Rahael, Chloe and megan all looking at me, i made my mum cry :( something inside me just was triggered off and i cried.

The bible reading tonight, was from Romans 8 31-39....and verse 37 in my bible is highlighte - 'No, in all these thing we are more than conquerors through him who loved us'

Think i'm going to off to sleepsleepies soon. I need to rest.

random.com

my hand is cold and wont stop shaking
my whole body is shaking

In response to last nights driven, having 'silence' to just sit and talk to God, let him talk to you, well i thought, yeah i can do that, but no i can't...i woke up this morning, and put my music on really loud, trying to block everything out sub conciously, not even realising what i was doing. Until i got to work and there must have been s many times when it's been quiet today that the only thing that was in my head was officership, and i couldn't say anything to anybody all day hardly. I did my usual "hahahaha" reaction to everyone :(

Catherine was talking to me last night - saying that maybe God wants me to take up a commitment in the corps first, before he even thinks to send me off to training college. And i agree with her. The commitments that were brought to my mind was - The singing Group, Teaching Thomas the Cornet and Commiting myself to just be at every songster practice to make sure that my Godmothers ok (she's really important to me).

All in all, Catherine helped me so much last night.

I'm still finding t hard to talk to mum though. I came home last night and she just asked 'How'd it go with Catherine', and i said okay, and told her i was just going to pray about it. She asked all these questions i count handle answering, i felt like crying - the stupid thing there is, she's been through officership before and i know she only wants to help me through it. I just can't seem to talk to her :( it makes me sad

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eye;
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear;
Laughter hides the silent cries Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;

When will we realize People need the Lord.
We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong is right;
What could be too great a cost
For sharing life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear;
They must hear the
Words of Life Only we can share.

People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;

When will we realize
That we must give our lives,
For people need the Lord.
People need the Lord.

'You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love' - Galations 5 : 13


I just opened my bible and came across this reading, maybe i stumbled across it for a reason, maybe it's God telling me that his call for me is in officership. I don't know!

Tonight i have been talking to Gemma on MSN, felt bad totally bonbarding her with all my thoughts and feelings and confusion about officership, but i needed to tell her, i needed her thoughts and vies and they kinda turned a few things around for me.

I told her Music is my thing, not leading people to the Lord i'm not capable of that. Then she reminded me of one of my friends, and how i brought her to the army and all that. Maybe i can do this, but with Gods help of course.

Theres still this big part of me that is trying to find anyway possible to run anyway from it. But someone has said latley, that God doesn't stop that easily and he'll just come back with it later, so whats the point. There is none.


'No guilt in life, no fear in death—This is the pow'r of Christ in me;From life's first cry to final breath,Jesus commands my destiny.No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,Can ever pluck me from His hand;Till He returns or calls me home—Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.'

officership?

I'm trying me hardest to remember what that feeling was like when i felt the feeling of god calling me to officership, but i can only remember electrylte playing and everything else was silent and i started to cry, i felt something deep inside, something that was way beyond my understanding. I don't know why God wants me to be an officer.
I keep thinking to myself, and screaming out to God sating "Look God i'm 18, so not ready for being an officer, pick someone else, because i wont do a good job" - then i get reminded of people saying that 'if it's what God wants then it'll be ok' and they're true, i just wish i knew, i just want to know if it's what he wants or not!
I'm scared, still scared, i was all set for being a music therapist and then saturday happens, and bang, thats thrown out the window and officership takes over everything.

The bus journey home that evening was a very quiet one. I was sooo deep in though, and so scared that the tears were running so fast down my face. I needed someone to tell, i needed to share this, my first thought, i'll text Laura, she's my best friend i knew i could tell her, i knew she'd be up for chatting about it with me - then my phone died. If felt like i was meant to be alone with God for a while, just to work things through with him, but i think the fact i couldn't tell anyone drove me mad. I couldn't even tell andrew cos there was 13 young people in the bus and i just felt alone.

but now, Laura, Andrew, Catherine, Kelston and Mum all know, so i have got pople who can talk to me about things so i guess thats good.

Although i think i'm meant to be talking with Catherine tomorrow and i don't know what to say to her :/