no longer i...

this last week was music school, and i decided i wasn't going this year, i don't even know why, it'd been ok if i already had a job when i had made that decision but no, samantha goes and says "no!".
I feel like a muppet now though, i wish i had went. And before you say it, i know, it's my own stupid darn fault. I just wished i hadn't thought so much about going and sent away the application form.
I love music school, it's an amazing week, and i needed that this year more than ever, but yeah. I guess you get the point that i wish i had gone and that i'm stupid.
So yeah. I'm going next year! argh, how stupid could i get?!

I grandad starts kemo in like 2 weeks. We found out he had a tomour in his liver a few weeks back, and found out 2 weeks ago that it was actually cancerous. It has really hut him really hard. When i went to see him when i found out, he was crying ( that being the first time i've seen my own gradad cry). I felt so bad for him. I kept blaming myself, i don't have a clue how it could have actually been my fault. When i saw my grandad that night, one of the first things he said was "but i have to be here for your wedding". My sister's getting married 13 weeks today. He will be here though, God will take care of him, and kemo is going to help him through it all.