College is officially over for the year. I had my cornet exam yesterday, and i think it went okay.
It was an experience anyway. The examiner stood behind me for one of my pieces and totally put me off, then he decided he's going to ask questions about the terms in my pieces, expect he wasn't happy i had written what certain things meant on one of my pieces, oops!
Apart from that itr went okay, quite pleased with it :)
Oh, and Alister made us cake for after our exams, was well ace and we had a lovely chat since we were all in at like 9 till 4, was a lovely day.
Tuesday we had5 hours of recitals, which was ace. Although some of us, were getting a wee bit emotional cos some are leaving for Uni and the rest of us are staying at college, and Alister performed the song he composed for those going to Uni called "farewell". I heard a what John said about my recital, he told Madeleine that he was shocked i sung, because i hardly talk, haha, ace!
Was two lovely days, and a good way to the end of term.
Holidays are here, which means extra hours, late lies and adventures, prestwick kids club, reach out, new officers
:)
6/15/07
5/18/07
Book Tagging. Laura caught me..
How many books do you own?
Not that much, i wasn't much of a reader when i was younger, totally hated it. But since like 5th year, anbout 3 years ago, Laura got me back into reading.
There however, is, a lot of books on my bookshelf, but i think most of them are the broons or oor willie, haha!
What was the last book you read?
The last book i read was Velvet Elvis, which i think was totally amazing. Might go out and get my own copy :)
What book are you presently reading?
I am reading Seasons 'a womens call to ministry' by Johann Shade. She's a salvation Army In the USA. I only started reading it today, but so far its really good. Its about how women serving in the salvation army ministry face distinctive challenges throughout the changing 'seasons' of their lives as their personal and family circumstances intertwine with their work as officers. The book explorers these issues and provides theological and practical support through biblical character studies and wisdom gleaned from the author's nearly thirty years of officership.
5 books that mean a lot to me are...
1. Girl Goddess #9 By Francesca Lia Block. Because, i think it was the Book laura gave me that got me reading again, and she let me share two of those stories with her.
2. Echo By Francesca Lia Block. Some parts of it make me think of my dad!
3. The Bible :)
4. A walk to remember - Nicholas Sparks....it's a beautiful story! Films good too :)
5. P.S i love you - Cecila Ahern. Really goood book. Might read it again after i've finished reading seasons!
seasons
I feel like i've been up for hours. I was in town for 8ish this morning, and went to symposiums for my usual coffee, before i got the half 8 bus to college.
I was reading the book my sister and brother in law got me for my birthday, and it is actually quite good, well the few pages i have read so far. It's called seasons, 'a womens call to ministry"..it's about being a officer in the salvation army, and different things that challenge you day to day, certain things that you battle with when the call comes around.
The one line that stuck in my head though is, "you have to be prepared to bleed"
This book looks like it may be very helpful in my journey, and with my call to officership, whenever i end up at training college.
I was reading the book my sister and brother in law got me for my birthday, and it is actually quite good, well the few pages i have read so far. It's called seasons, 'a womens call to ministry"..it's about being a officer in the salvation army, and different things that challenge you day to day, certain things that you battle with when the call comes around.
The one line that stuck in my head though is, "you have to be prepared to bleed"
This book looks like it may be very helpful in my journey, and with my call to officership, whenever i end up at training college.
3/18/07
3/12/07
God,
Please bless me with
- Love
- Peace
- Patience
- Kindness
- Goodness
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Self-Control
Live in me, so that i may be the person who made me to be.
No longer I, but Christ that lives in me.
Not my will, but yours.
Amen
xox
"I dare to be different
I dare to believe
I dare to be different
God's spirit recieve
I dare to be different
my life satisy
I dare to be different
by living
by Christ"
:)
xox
Please bless me with
- Love
- Peace
- Patience
- Kindness
- Goodness
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Self-Control
Live in me, so that i may be the person who made me to be.
No longer I, but Christ that lives in me.
Not my will, but yours.
Amen
xox
"I dare to be different
I dare to believe
I dare to be different
God's spirit recieve
I dare to be different
my life satisy
I dare to be different
by living
by Christ"
:)
xox
3/6/07
This post is especially for Laura, as she is outraged at my lack of blogging so here goes.
Anyways, what shall Sam ramble about today...Ah college!
College was a really good laugh today. Sophia and I were singing along to Madeleine who was playing the piano. Then they all started talking Uni auditions - the all got theirs on the 15th of this month. Good Luck :)
We had a three hour break today - so Sophia, Kerry and i went to the library to research Schoenberg, and start putting our presentation together. It was a nice laugh, even when Sophia pulled my ear plug out my ear when i said i had Jack Johnson on my MP3 Player haha!
It's been a really fun day. Don't really know what else to say lol.
I have peppermint tea - it really tastes horrid lol.
I'm trying to come up with some ideas for my composition, but it isn't working and i still only have an introduction to 'Sunset'. It's a cornet and Piano piece. Ballad style of a piece. I would love to write lyrics to it, but then i'd have to write a voice part and i never come up with good words to put to anything.
And i just got a phonecall. A lovely phonecall from a guy from church! He was saying that thomas will be in the band tomorrow night - yaaaaaaay answered prayers. And that i can still teach him at band learners. He's happy with my progress in music and he says hopefully he'll have someone else for me to teach by winter.
"Another star on your crown" - Arthur :)
Anyways, what shall Sam ramble about today...Ah college!
College was a really good laugh today. Sophia and I were singing along to Madeleine who was playing the piano. Then they all started talking Uni auditions - the all got theirs on the 15th of this month. Good Luck :)
We had a three hour break today - so Sophia, Kerry and i went to the library to research Schoenberg, and start putting our presentation together. It was a nice laugh, even when Sophia pulled my ear plug out my ear when i said i had Jack Johnson on my MP3 Player haha!
It's been a really fun day. Don't really know what else to say lol.
I have peppermint tea - it really tastes horrid lol.
I'm trying to come up with some ideas for my composition, but it isn't working and i still only have an introduction to 'Sunset'. It's a cornet and Piano piece. Ballad style of a piece. I would love to write lyrics to it, but then i'd have to write a voice part and i never come up with good words to put to anything.
And i just got a phonecall. A lovely phonecall from a guy from church! He was saying that thomas will be in the band tomorrow night - yaaaaaaay answered prayers. And that i can still teach him at band learners. He's happy with my progress in music and he says hopefully he'll have someone else for me to teach by winter.
"Another star on your crown" - Arthur :)
2/28/07
Flamenco!
Flamenco - It's a Spanish gypsy style dance. Try and picture ladies dancing with the big dresses and tapping their feet *does an impression of Paul's dancing*
The first note in each bar has to be accented
The Style of 'Flamenco Dancing' is portrayed by the 6/8 time signature .
The speed has to stay the same all the way through, even at the quiet parts.
Play it with a picture of the ladies dancing in your head
Before you play the piece remind yourself of the rhythm, the speed in which your going to play it at and take a few moments out to calm down.
When you are ready play the piece.
Remember to breath using your diaphragm
Remember performance directions
Remember not every note has to be perfect
Remember this audition is to show them what Samantha Louise Davies, can do, not what she can come up with the night before, so guess what, sam? If you don't know anything about Allen Vizzutti, its ok, because everything is going to be okay, It's all in control, If I'm meant to be at Uni, it'll happen!
They'll either love me, or hate me!
Their choice!
The first note in each bar has to be accented
The Style of 'Flamenco Dancing' is portrayed by the 6/8 time signature .
The speed has to stay the same all the way through, even at the quiet parts.
Play it with a picture of the ladies dancing in your head
Before you play the piece remind yourself of the rhythm, the speed in which your going to play it at and take a few moments out to calm down.
When you are ready play the piece.
Remember to breath using your diaphragm
Remember performance directions
Remember not every note has to be perfect
Remember this audition is to show them what Samantha Louise Davies, can do, not what she can come up with the night before, so guess what, sam? If you don't know anything about Allen Vizzutti, its ok, because everything is going to be okay, It's all in control, If I'm meant to be at Uni, it'll happen!
They'll either love me, or hate me!
Their choice!
2/27/07
I haven't talked to anybody about the whole officership thing, then Sunday happens. Cindy and Kelston came here for their lunch because they were leading both our meetings. I had Cindy in my room saying 'It's really good to hear about you thinking about officership', Kelston just talked about it non-stop at the table, and deep down all i kept thinking was "please can i go practice, i wanna go play the cornet"....totally numb to the whole idea, and can't find a single thing inside of me that lights up to the idea.
Then today - i sit in college, listening to my tutor go on and on about the teaching Diploma course - now that appeals to me, thats why I'm away to fill out my application form after this. Maybe my mum is right - maybe University isn't for me, but I'll never know unless i give it a shot.
My audition is on Thursday, and i've kind of moved from the nervousness to the "i don't know what to think", I'll try my best to get in of course, but at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe i will just stay on at college.
Who knows!
Then today - i sit in college, listening to my tutor go on and on about the teaching Diploma course - now that appeals to me, thats why I'm away to fill out my application form after this. Maybe my mum is right - maybe University isn't for me, but I'll never know unless i give it a shot.
My audition is on Thursday, and i've kind of moved from the nervousness to the "i don't know what to think", I'll try my best to get in of course, but at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe i will just stay on at college.
Who knows!
2/23/07
i wont keep it inside, freak out, let it go...
Today has been a fun filled, bongo hitting, piano banging , Cymbal Bashing, Maraca Shaking.
Just a little glimpse inside of 20th Century music and the things we get up to on a friday afternoon.But, no, the point of this entry is that, in 20th century music, we listen to obviosuly music from the 20th century and how composers use any musical sound they could get and make music, and how they do this and of course, trying it out for ourself.
Today, Tony played us a piece by Byrars called 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'...He was asked to compose a piece for a documentary about 'Life in pubs'. so he went round the pubs recording the sounds, and then he came to this one pub, and there was a tramp sitting in the corner completley sober, singing 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'. He got back to the studio and played it on repeat to see if he could use this, byars left the room and when he came back he noticed something - The people who were working had all became more quiet and stoped hurrying around - there was even some people crying in the corners.
Some peoples comments in my class when Tony told them this was like..."why, does it say 'i'm gonna kill you?'...no, it was just that the music had a kind of emotion to it that you think, and relax.
The piece was then played - There was silence (Not very often in my class)
There was one comment from the floor, which was..
"I thought it was really powerful!"
I glanced around the room -and found nearly everyone with their heads down!
And for some reason that touched me today and i just wanted to share, so sorry if all that music talk has bored ya!
The other thing being is that, I took in my University letter today, as i was asked to yesterday, well when Fiona came in today i gave her the sheet, everything was ok, until sh saw 'your piece must be 5 minutes long'...yeah! So after that fiona was trying to learn a new piece so she has to do movements from a few pieces, and yeah, mines aint even 5!
Just a little glimpse inside of 20th Century music and the things we get up to on a friday afternoon.But, no, the point of this entry is that, in 20th century music, we listen to obviosuly music from the 20th century and how composers use any musical sound they could get and make music, and how they do this and of course, trying it out for ourself.
Today, Tony played us a piece by Byrars called 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'...He was asked to compose a piece for a documentary about 'Life in pubs'. so he went round the pubs recording the sounds, and then he came to this one pub, and there was a tramp sitting in the corner completley sober, singing 'Jesus blood hasn't failed me yet'. He got back to the studio and played it on repeat to see if he could use this, byars left the room and when he came back he noticed something - The people who were working had all became more quiet and stoped hurrying around - there was even some people crying in the corners.
Some peoples comments in my class when Tony told them this was like..."why, does it say 'i'm gonna kill you?'...no, it was just that the music had a kind of emotion to it that you think, and relax.
The piece was then played - There was silence (Not very often in my class)
There was one comment from the floor, which was..
"I thought it was really powerful!"
I glanced around the room -and found nearly everyone with their heads down!
And for some reason that touched me today and i just wanted to share, so sorry if all that music talk has bored ya!
The other thing being is that, I took in my University letter today, as i was asked to yesterday, well when Fiona came in today i gave her the sheet, everything was ok, until sh saw 'your piece must be 5 minutes long'...yeah! So after that fiona was trying to learn a new piece so she has to do movements from a few pieces, and yeah, mines aint even 5!
2/22/07
it's all coming together!
It's all coming together now - this time next week i shall be at Aberdeen University (hopefully with the other college guys)and we will shortly be getting a welcome from the Programme Directors.
I ran down the stairs to make a cup of coffee, and saw the mil, thinking please let there be mail from the Uni, and there was, and my audition is next Thursday. They always give you short notice though. But yeah i can handle that!
This is the next step. Get into University. Everything else will fall into place from then on!
Since i opened the letter and saw the words 'we would like to invite you to attend an interview....' i started pannick, Because i know deep down i aint ready, i know that none of my pieces are ready. I started worrying and thought 'i'll bebo Fio', don't know how she can help me, but she knows about the whole changing of pieces and how hard it's gonna be learning new pieces for a prelim on Tuesday, an assessment on Tuesday, and a audition on Thursday, but i can do it, with Gods help, i CAN do it. I just need to stop worrying so much, and do practice.
Guess i aint staying in Aberdeen till late tonight!
I ran down the stairs to make a cup of coffee, and saw the mil, thinking please let there be mail from the Uni, and there was, and my audition is next Thursday. They always give you short notice though. But yeah i can handle that!
This is the next step. Get into University. Everything else will fall into place from then on!
Since i opened the letter and saw the words 'we would like to invite you to attend an interview....' i started pannick, Because i know deep down i aint ready, i know that none of my pieces are ready. I started worrying and thought 'i'll bebo Fio', don't know how she can help me, but she knows about the whole changing of pieces and how hard it's gonna be learning new pieces for a prelim on Tuesday, an assessment on Tuesday, and a audition on Thursday, but i can do it, with Gods help, i CAN do it. I just need to stop worrying so much, and do practice.
Guess i aint staying in Aberdeen till late tonight!
I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes
Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothing to surround me
Keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up(oh)
You've made me trust
{chorus}
Coz I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked around you
And it feels so right
I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
To help me fit in my skin
{chorus}
I'm naked around you
Does it show
I'm naked around you
I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through baby
- Avril Lavigne
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes
Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothing to surround me
Keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up(oh)
You've made me trust
{chorus}
Coz I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked around you
And it feels so right
I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
To help me fit in my skin
{chorus}
I'm naked around you
Does it show
I'm naked around you
I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through baby
- Avril Lavigne
2/20/07
I've just been chating to a college friend on bebo, and she hardly knows me, i hardly know her, but we talk a lot on myspace/bebo, because i'm a shy little nugget, and find it easier on the internet. Bt tonight, i've mailed her on bebo and told her i was sorry for being shy and that i really wanted to say something to her after paul freaked at her today, and her reply was i shall not tell you to bogg off, you aint a plonker, people can't help being shy, and she keeps sending me *hugs*, and for some reason, she has just topped off my day! Fio's amazing :)
happy days
Today has been fun.
Which was good because i just needed smiles and laughter and to be around loud music - especially Keith, haha, he was singing and playing the drums and you could hear him down the other end of the corridor so there was me and kerry standing in the corridor laughing so hard.
Theory was good this afternoon - I'm finally coming out of my box , it' s took me a while but hey. I was getting laughed at today for being from Peterhead, long story, but Madeleine and Sophia were slagging Fio off for her 'scottish' accent not that she comes from sotland, No! But apparently she said 'fit' instead of 'wit' so yeah, and i screamed 'fit?' and sophia just said 'so, you're from peterhead!'.....haha, you had to be there really!
All in all, I've had a really good day. Been out to McDonalds with Katie for tea and had a laugh with her, and went driving round town with the music blaring, hehe, it's fun!
I'm in a very musical mood, so i guess i'll be doing some theory work later!
And yeah, random update, but I've had thee best day :)
Which was good because i just needed smiles and laughter and to be around loud music - especially Keith, haha, he was singing and playing the drums and you could hear him down the other end of the corridor so there was me and kerry standing in the corridor laughing so hard.
Theory was good this afternoon - I'm finally coming out of my box , it' s took me a while but hey. I was getting laughed at today for being from Peterhead, long story, but Madeleine and Sophia were slagging Fio off for her 'scottish' accent not that she comes from sotland, No! But apparently she said 'fit' instead of 'wit' so yeah, and i screamed 'fit?' and sophia just said 'so, you're from peterhead!'.....haha, you had to be there really!
All in all, I've had a really good day. Been out to McDonalds with Katie for tea and had a laugh with her, and went driving round town with the music blaring, hehe, it's fun!
I'm in a very musical mood, so i guess i'll be doing some theory work later!
And yeah, random update, but I've had thee best day :)
2/19/07
College was so boring today. Pointless ad Boring.
Today i've had Keyboards skills - which was productive, should be doing my 3rd assessment in two weeks time. Theory - i really don't see the point in two hours straight of theory - no one ever listens, and f they do it's for the first half hour, and they all get bored, and i can't blame them. Paul just talks about, modulation for example as he did today, for nearly two hours....took a few notes, and then started drawing little pictures. Then i had my lesson with Paul, which he told me i was playing half heartedly :( he's probably right now, so yeah! The fact is though, i have my prelim next week, and i've got two new pieces to learn. I got annoyed today - paul came in late, i had a class at 1, and he spends half the half hour doing warm ups so i didn't even get any further on my pieces. Again, not all his fault though.Then composition and arranging - hats always an interesting class and i really look forward to it, hehe. It sucked today though - don't really know why, but there's only usually half the class there because we are in groups, but nearly the whole class was there the whole class was there today and i got left with Fio.....now that was an interesting conversation. Not! We hardly talk and i hate it - I'm too shy to talk to her. I feel like a school kid again haha!
Today i've had Keyboards skills - which was productive, should be doing my 3rd assessment in two weeks time. Theory - i really don't see the point in two hours straight of theory - no one ever listens, and f they do it's for the first half hour, and they all get bored, and i can't blame them. Paul just talks about, modulation for example as he did today, for nearly two hours....took a few notes, and then started drawing little pictures. Then i had my lesson with Paul, which he told me i was playing half heartedly :( he's probably right now, so yeah! The fact is though, i have my prelim next week, and i've got two new pieces to learn. I got annoyed today - paul came in late, i had a class at 1, and he spends half the half hour doing warm ups so i didn't even get any further on my pieces. Again, not all his fault though.Then composition and arranging - hats always an interesting class and i really look forward to it, hehe. It sucked today though - don't really know why, but there's only usually half the class there because we are in groups, but nearly the whole class was there the whole class was there today and i got left with Fio.....now that was an interesting conversation. Not! We hardly talk and i hate it - I'm too shy to talk to her. I feel like a school kid again haha!
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2/18/07
Tonight hasn't been a good one, with tears falling everywhere, evil looks from the bandmaster for playing wrong notes, but besides all that, i got loads of hugs from Rachael, but now i feel bad, because she's gone back to Aberdeen and was all worried, so i text her say that I'm ok and thank you for being there for me tonight. I miss her heaps.
Something happened tonight, something that i can't explain...We were singing 'I wanna be out of my deapth in your love', and all i could do was huddle up and cry, which kinda ended up in mum, hazel, Rahael, Chloe and megan all looking at me, i made my mum cry :( something inside me just was triggered off and i cried.
The bible reading tonight, was from Romans 8 31-39....and verse 37 in my bible is highlighte - 'No, in all these thing we are more than conquerors through him who loved us'
Think i'm going to off to sleepsleepies soon. I need to rest.
Something happened tonight, something that i can't explain...We were singing 'I wanna be out of my deapth in your love', and all i could do was huddle up and cry, which kinda ended up in mum, hazel, Rahael, Chloe and megan all looking at me, i made my mum cry :( something inside me just was triggered off and i cried.
The bible reading tonight, was from Romans 8 31-39....and verse 37 in my bible is highlighte - 'No, in all these thing we are more than conquerors through him who loved us'
Think i'm going to off to sleepsleepies soon. I need to rest.
2/17/07
random.com
my hand is cold and wont stop shaking
my whole body is shaking
In response to last nights driven, having 'silence' to just sit and talk to God, let him talk to you, well i thought, yeah i can do that, but no i can't...i woke up this morning, and put my music on really loud, trying to block everything out sub conciously, not even realising what i was doing. Until i got to work and there must have been s many times when it's been quiet today that the only thing that was in my head was officership, and i couldn't say anything to anybody all day hardly. I did my usual "hahahaha" reaction to everyone :(
Catherine was talking to me last night - saying that maybe God wants me to take up a commitment in the corps first, before he even thinks to send me off to training college. And i agree with her. The commitments that were brought to my mind was - The singing Group, Teaching Thomas the Cornet and Commiting myself to just be at every songster practice to make sure that my Godmothers ok (she's really important to me).
All in all, Catherine helped me so much last night.
I'm still finding t hard to talk to mum though. I came home last night and she just asked 'How'd it go with Catherine', and i said okay, and told her i was just going to pray about it. She asked all these questions i count handle answering, i felt like crying - the stupid thing there is, she's been through officership before and i know she only wants to help me through it. I just can't seem to talk to her :( it makes me sad
my whole body is shaking
In response to last nights driven, having 'silence' to just sit and talk to God, let him talk to you, well i thought, yeah i can do that, but no i can't...i woke up this morning, and put my music on really loud, trying to block everything out sub conciously, not even realising what i was doing. Until i got to work and there must have been s many times when it's been quiet today that the only thing that was in my head was officership, and i couldn't say anything to anybody all day hardly. I did my usual "hahahaha" reaction to everyone :(
Catherine was talking to me last night - saying that maybe God wants me to take up a commitment in the corps first, before he even thinks to send me off to training college. And i agree with her. The commitments that were brought to my mind was - The singing Group, Teaching Thomas the Cornet and Commiting myself to just be at every songster practice to make sure that my Godmothers ok (she's really important to me).
All in all, Catherine helped me so much last night.
I'm still finding t hard to talk to mum though. I came home last night and she just asked 'How'd it go with Catherine', and i said okay, and told her i was just going to pray about it. She asked all these questions i count handle answering, i felt like crying - the stupid thing there is, she's been through officership before and i know she only wants to help me through it. I just can't seem to talk to her :( it makes me sad
2/15/07
Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eye;
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear;
Laughter hides the silent cries Only Jesus hears.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
When will we realize People need the Lord.
We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong is right;
What could be too great a cost
For sharing life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear;
They must hear the
Words of Life Only we can share.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
When will we realize
That we must give our lives,
For people need the Lord.
People need the Lord.
I can see it in their eye;
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear;
Laughter hides the silent cries Only Jesus hears.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
When will we realize People need the Lord.
We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong is right;
What could be too great a cost
For sharing life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear;
They must hear the
Words of Life Only we can share.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door.
People need the Lord,
People need the Lord;
When will we realize
That we must give our lives,
For people need the Lord.
People need the Lord.
I just opened my bible and came across this reading, maybe i stumbled across it for a reason, maybe it's God telling me that his call for me is in officership. I don't know!
Tonight i have been talking to Gemma on MSN, felt bad totally bonbarding her with all my thoughts and feelings and confusion about officership, but i needed to tell her, i needed her thoughts and vies and they kinda turned a few things around for me.
I told her Music is my thing, not leading people to the Lord i'm not capable of that. Then she reminded me of one of my friends, and how i brought her to the army and all that. Maybe i can do this, but with Gods help of course.
Theres still this big part of me that is trying to find anyway possible to run anyway from it. But someone has said latley, that God doesn't stop that easily and he'll just come back with it later, so whats the point. There is none.
2/14/07
officership?
I'm trying me hardest to remember what that feeling was like when i felt the feeling of god calling me to officership, but i can only remember electrylte playing and everything else was silent and i started to cry, i felt something deep inside, something that was way beyond my understanding. I don't know why God wants me to be an officer.
I keep thinking to myself, and screaming out to God sating "Look God i'm 18, so not ready for being an officer, pick someone else, because i wont do a good job" - then i get reminded of people saying that 'if it's what God wants then it'll be ok' and they're true, i just wish i knew, i just want to know if it's what he wants or not!
I'm scared, still scared, i was all set for being a music therapist and then saturday happens, and bang, thats thrown out the window and officership takes over everything.
The bus journey home that evening was a very quiet one. I was sooo deep in though, and so scared that the tears were running so fast down my face. I needed someone to tell, i needed to share this, my first thought, i'll text Laura, she's my best friend i knew i could tell her, i knew she'd be up for chatting about it with me - then my phone died. If felt like i was meant to be alone with God for a while, just to work things through with him, but i think the fact i couldn't tell anyone drove me mad. I couldn't even tell andrew cos there was 13 young people in the bus and i just felt alone.
but now, Laura, Andrew, Catherine, Kelston and Mum all know, so i have got pople who can talk to me about things so i guess thats good.
Although i think i'm meant to be talking with Catherine tomorrow and i don't know what to say to her :/
I keep thinking to myself, and screaming out to God sating "Look God i'm 18, so not ready for being an officer, pick someone else, because i wont do a good job" - then i get reminded of people saying that 'if it's what God wants then it'll be ok' and they're true, i just wish i knew, i just want to know if it's what he wants or not!
I'm scared, still scared, i was all set for being a music therapist and then saturday happens, and bang, thats thrown out the window and officership takes over everything.
The bus journey home that evening was a very quiet one. I was sooo deep in though, and so scared that the tears were running so fast down my face. I needed someone to tell, i needed to share this, my first thought, i'll text Laura, she's my best friend i knew i could tell her, i knew she'd be up for chatting about it with me - then my phone died. If felt like i was meant to be alone with God for a while, just to work things through with him, but i think the fact i couldn't tell anyone drove me mad. I couldn't even tell andrew cos there was 13 young people in the bus and i just felt alone.
but now, Laura, Andrew, Catherine, Kelston and Mum all know, so i have got pople who can talk to me about things so i guess thats good.
Although i think i'm meant to be talking with Catherine tomorrow and i don't know what to say to her :/
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