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my hand is cold and wont stop shaking
my whole body is shaking

In response to last nights driven, having 'silence' to just sit and talk to God, let him talk to you, well i thought, yeah i can do that, but no i can't...i woke up this morning, and put my music on really loud, trying to block everything out sub conciously, not even realising what i was doing. Until i got to work and there must have been s many times when it's been quiet today that the only thing that was in my head was officership, and i couldn't say anything to anybody all day hardly. I did my usual "hahahaha" reaction to everyone :(

Catherine was talking to me last night - saying that maybe God wants me to take up a commitment in the corps first, before he even thinks to send me off to training college. And i agree with her. The commitments that were brought to my mind was - The singing Group, Teaching Thomas the Cornet and Commiting myself to just be at every songster practice to make sure that my Godmothers ok (she's really important to me).

All in all, Catherine helped me so much last night.

I'm still finding t hard to talk to mum though. I came home last night and she just asked 'How'd it go with Catherine', and i said okay, and told her i was just going to pray about it. She asked all these questions i count handle answering, i felt like crying - the stupid thing there is, she's been through officership before and i know she only wants to help me through it. I just can't seem to talk to her :( it makes me sad